The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
