the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
