You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
