I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
