Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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