I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
