Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
