I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
