I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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