I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
