What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
His nipple licking is glorious
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