You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
