remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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