I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
