we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
