i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
