Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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