You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
