If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
