1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
