I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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