I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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