Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
