If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
