If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
