this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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