i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
