I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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