Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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