Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
