8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
