Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
