OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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