You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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