I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
