I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im six kinds of drunk right now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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