Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
