um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
