How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
