I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
