the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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