Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
