That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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