My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
