Cold hands, warm shart.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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