And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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