i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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