i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
