I got her a Nickelback box set.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
