My friends, they love my intelligence
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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