My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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