So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
