people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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